Wild Winter
This year, our commitment to our family includes spending “more time”. That means not just existing in the same house, but really being present with each other. We don’t do much screen time for the kids, but the two of us are plenty guilty of being phone zombies. Have you looked at your screen time app recently? Challenge yourself to reduce it because it’s probably disgusting and there are far better things than swipe ups and golf clash!
Being present for us means filling our plates up with projects we can work on together. Can we all have a moment of silence for the Christmas ornaments our family committed to making for the class mission project, amen? Right now, we’re (finally) finishing the boys room, deciding how to best utilize our basement, starting an Etsy shop and a few partnerships with our local friends to drive some business for anything D creates. We’ve got a rough draft of a non-profit but are letting it evolve slowly as we figure out how to impact the women we want to support. More time for us looks like a lot of hustle, but I’m looking forward to working on this stuff together! Rylee has loved joining our projects, although her creative suggestions typically involve a lot of cats.
If there is one thing I can say about D and I, we’re a team. Maybe sort of like the Mighty Ducks, sometimes the Bad News Bears, but nonetheless, we have the same goals. In the early days of MJ coming to live with us, we spent our nights tag teaming the bottle feeds, helping Rylee adjust to having a baby in the house and making our schedules work so we could simply navigate the day. I was the only one with legal custody because of my flexible schedule, but his bond with MJ developed faster than mine did. I’m sure it’s because he already knew how to love a child that didn’t share his blood and because, quite honestly, I had a wall up.
I remember when someone asked me what I wanted to be called to MJ shortly after he arrived.
“Do you call yourself Mama to him”?
“I just don’t really say anything honestly,” I mumbled.
Remember, I’m not a certified foster parent. I hadn’t read any bonding books and CPS didn’t bring me a manual.
From October 2018 to January 2019, our lives are almost a blur. I ran my third half marathon, D was gone for weeks at a time at least three times for work, we hosted our families for the holidays, my family encountered some major conflict that was emotionally exhausting for all of us and MJ started daycare as I got back on the road for work. Oh yeah, and I was pregnant and tired. Very tired. It felt as if every week was filled with case meetings, home visits, CASA evaluations, court hearings and cleaning up endless amounts of projectile vomited formula. Thank goodness for allergy free formula after that!
By the end of January, we knew MJ was likely not going back to Jade. Her willingness to cooperate in her case plan was non-existent and by this point, she too was pregnant again. The reality of what adoption looked like started to surround me. I was going to have two kids, 14 months apart. Before MJ, I hadn’t changed a diaper in 3.5 years, and now, I was going double-duty (literally). Duane was going from a nice glorious bachelor life with a lot of sleep, to leading a family of five in less than a year and a half. Two girls who ate snack plates for dinner and shared a king-sized bed, were going to be the mom and big sister/mom jr. to a house of five. And yet, everyone was filled with joy. Rylee loved helping dress MJ, and she begged to find out the gender of the new baby (although if you’ve seen her reaction video, you know this was a process). D made silly videos of MJ dancing that had Ry laughing so hard she cried. He read books to him and dressed him in Cavs gear. The walls I had put up were crumbling down and I found myself staring at a little boy, who genuinely had a giant piece of my mama heart. People at the store commented how I was going to have my hands full when they saw the signs of an early pregnancy coupled with a baby in arms. We wrestled with the hope of reunification and the pain of possible separation for us, but there was no denying we were molded into a growing family.
Kasey gave us a final case court date at one of our meetings. They asked me if we were willing to assume permanent, legal guardianship and walked me through the logistics. They explained the process to adopt from a guardianship, should we choose. We’d both need to be present and just a few minutes before court, we’d have one last meeting; a chance for Jade to appear and make a case to not move forward with the hearing or show some good faith effort in working her plan. She had six weeks left to change the trajectory of the situation.
The story leading up to the adoption is almost over. I’m going to write about the impact this hand on our family individually next week so you can better understand how D and Rylee processed a lot of this. The chaos of it has been written for the most part and we’ve really been quietly searching for where to let the blog go from here, so feel free to leave us a comment on what else you want to hear! I’m speaking at a Women’s Conference (I’m both overjoyed and terrified because people are going to be in my room for AN HOUR!) and we’re filming our story for the sanctity of life weekend at our church, so I’d love to hear what’s touched you the most, challenged you, or even answer any random questions you have. So many people have quietly shared how they are interested in housing a mom or getting more involved and honestly, that was my main purpose for this. I’m confident that if more people step out and open their doors, more lives can be changed.